Pigeons, Letters and Laptops....

When I was a girl, I had a pen pal. I would write letters and she would respond with a letter full of stories and memories. I remember waiting weeks for the mail to come to receive a precious gift of words. These were the good 'ole days......or were they?

Our society has definitely moved far from the old fashioned way of communicating. Even companies want to give their bill statements online rather than in the mail. It costs more to send paper statements. We pay bills online, chat online, Facebook message, email and text. It seems like our world has lost the unique gift of communicating face to face. There's even a gazillion (online) blogs that bring our attention to the lack of face to face contact. All of which we couldn't read if we weren't communicating online. I find it ironic.

My question is this: Have all our social media, online messaging, email and iphones taken away from our relationships or added to them? 

It depends on the individual, I believe. Some may hide behind their screen at home and simply relate to people online. Others may use the world wide web as a tool to communicate with a larger range of people. It takes balance. We don't want to throw the "baby out with the bath water" so to speak.....but we need to find that happy place of balance. 

As a people person who's also an introvert, I find online communication sweetens my relationships. It's a way I can stay in contact with long distance family and friends while still protecting my quiet time at home. I can chat with teenagers in a private space, where they feel comfortable typing. Some can share their feelings easier than in a crowded coffee shop. At the very least, it gives them an opportunity to set up a time to meet face to face. Without online relationships, I would never reach the amount of young people I do currently.

Within my homeschooling community, I have face to face interaction every Monday and Thursday.....while through email we can encourage each other the rest of the week. I receive insights, thoughts and support at least once a week. I look forward to seeing those messages in my inbox!

In ministry, I have 4 or 5 coffee dates a month with people that the Lord has put in my life. Some are mentoring relationships and others are just opportunities to know one another. All of those meetings are made through text messages. I treasure every coffee date and every word that's shared. My cup (no pun intended haha) is so full when I leave!

If it's been weeks or months since I've made contact with someone.....I might text them an encouraging note or send them something in the mail. I have typed out my prayer over a Facebook message, text or email. That encouragement is priceless to give and receive. Whatever way we choose to communicate, the bottom line is JUST DO IT. Go and have that coffee date, lunch date or phone conversation. Be that person that encourages someone else with a thank you card, a voicemail, a text or a hug. My concern is that we spend too much time trying to find the perfect way of communicating that we waste time NOT communicating at all. Ask the Lord what people need in your life and then obey that calling. Every one is different....God did that on purpose. The only common denominator is we were made in HIS IMAGE. So go and be Christ to the people around you.....whatever means He leads you to do that.

"A new command I give you: Love one another. 

As I have loved you, so 

you must love one another." John 13:34

The Cut is deeper than you think...

Three years and twenty-seven topics later, I have new insight into teen ministry. The Loft is starting up soon and I am reminded of what God has taught me. This will be year FOUR of trudging through the deep, icky topics of life that plague our young people. I love this ministry for girls because every topic NEEDS to be brought into the open!! There has to be a place where girls can safely talk about the issues in life and how to navigate through them. BUT.....there is ONE topic that has wrecked my heart more than any other. ONE topic that leaves me awake at night and gets me on my knees in tears. It's the topic of "self injury". This can be anything from burning to cutting. I have mostly seen the "cutting" side of this topic and it's heartbreaking.

I have different people, from time to time, write me and ask about their niece, daughter or friend who is cutting. I was asked for help today and I want to address it to help others. This is not a new issue but it's also not an old one. I think it's become more popular among teens as they grasp for answers. Usually at the root of self injury is an internal pain so great that they're finding a release in the "new" pain.....a pain that THEY can control. Often times, the pain they are dealing with is largely out of their control. The internal issues can be anything really. Some are incredible. Maybe they have suffered through sexual, emotional or physical abuse. Maybe they have lost a parent or a loved one and they are grieving. The pain inside can also be from anxiety, not fitting in, bullying or a combination of things. It's just whatever is in their life that is leaving them feeling out of control. It can be the deepest pain they have ever felt. They may not see the light at the end yet.

So what do we do? How can we as parents, friends, aunties and mentors help them? Here's some advice......

1. PRAY - I know this might seem cliche but without Christ there is no true healing. We need to bring this young person to the Father and lift them up in prayer. The enemy is real and is trying to destroy these precious ones. Pray for them. Pray for yourself....for wisdom, compassion and insight into their world.

2. LOVE - Be their friend. Reach out and love them. DO NOT TRY TO FIX THEM. This tactic never works. Only the Lord Himself can move the mountains of their heart to heal and put back what is broken. You cannot "fix" what is broken but you CAN be that confidant...that friend....that listening ear....that safe place. You can love them through Christ and walk this road of healing with them.

3. SEEK GODLY COUNSEL - Go to someone who the Lord has given wisdom to in this area. Maybe it's someone who has walked this road of self injury and has victory now. Maybe it's godly wisdom from a book or blog. Maybe it's your pastor at church. Whoever God leads you to, seek their counsel and insight.

4. DIRECT - The most difficult thing about cutting is that the person has to DECIDE to change. They have to want to stop. Cutting is VERY addictive. Every time someone cuts, the body releases endorphins which provide relief. For each time the emotions are high, the body craves this release. So as much as we cannot force an alcoholic to change, we cannot force anyone with an addiction...including cutting. We need to DIRECT our loved one to a counselor, a friend who is victorious in this area, to God's Word, to prayer....AND to a new way to handle pain.

5. OFFER NEW WAYS TO DEAL - There are a lot of articles online to help with self harm/injury. One of the things I learned, is that we can cope in new ways. You can offer new things for this person to do instead of hurt themselves. For example, I had one girl put rubber bands on her wrist so that every time she wanted to "cut" she could "flick" herself instead. It still stung but wasn't a dangerous action that could eventually kill her. Another idea is to have a piece of wood near by that they could carve into with a pen or pencil. One of the BEST ways to cope I have seen is talking with a counselor. Now, this is tricky because most cutters do this in private and in places no one will see. It scares them to admit they are doing it and even more so to talk to someone about it. BUT, if they are willing, a counselor provides a neutral party that they can talk to about what's going on. This is someone who can listen to their pain and get it out. I have seen much healing through a godly counselor.

I really hope this helps!! I know that for parents....discovering your teen is cutting...is shocking and heartbreaking. It is difficult to know what to do and where to go for help. We can't just look at our teen and say "STOP DOING THAT"!! That will never work. But we can come alongside them and go to the One who knows exactly what to do. Amen???

Love you all and hope you pass this on to someone who needs some wisdom. I have included the cover of this great resource! "Scars that wound: Scars that heal" is a great book about Jackie.....a girl who walked this journey.

This side of Heaven.....

Death on this side of Heaven, sucks. I'm just being real here. There's nothing glamorous, nothing pretty, nothing heart warming about it.....at least in my experience. It is ugly, messy, heart wrenching and at times a nightmare. My dear friend woke up this past weekend in the middle of this nightmare. Her teenage son passed away suddenly. He was a precious treasure of hers and now he's gone. There are no words to describe this loss, this grief, this pain.

There's no way to prepare our hearts to say goodbye to someone we love....especially our own child. It is in fact, a nightmare. I remember days after my mom died, I would sit straight up in bed gasping for breath. I would wake up from horrible dreams as my mind and heart tried to process what was happening. My husband would comfort me and help me through those dreams....but it was prayer that gave me strength and allowed me to put one foot forward each day.

God knows that death is horrible this side of Heaven. He knows the pain and the suffering. He knows how we feel. He knows the depth of our tears. His own Son, Jesus Christ, died a horrific death on the Cross to reconcile US to HIM. It didn't seem fair. His death seemed like a great loss......but instead, it was a great victory! Jesus said "it is finished". His death and resurrection saved us. It was the plan all along to reconcile all of creation back to our Heavenly Father!! 

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

Eternal Life. Heaven. The Glory of God. This is the only wonderful thing about death. We pass from this life into eternal life. A gift from God. Yes, on this side of Heaven death sucks. It's a messy process to go through physically, emotionally and spiritually. But when we make Jesus Christ the Lord of our lives and surrender our lives to Him.....we get to spend forever and ever with our Heavenly Father. My friend's precious son, is now in the arms of his Father, His Heavenly Father. There are no more tears, no more saddness, no more pain. One day, this mom will see her son again because they both made Christ their Lord. Do you know Him? Have you dealt with your eternity? The most important thing to think about today!

THANK YOU LORD, that even though we don't understand death on this side.....YOU DO!! Thank you that we can lean on you and you will carry us through the suffering. I lift up my dear sister in Christ......I pray that you will continue to hold her so close to you and use others to bring great comfort during this incredible time of loss. May everyone see your glory through this young man's life and death. May people come to know you and your salvation because of all this. Amen!!

Love you Lord! Love you Gina!! Love you Jerritt!!

The Storm, The Boat and The Life Preserver!!

Most of us have heard the story of the drowning man who cried out to the Lord. He was out at sea during a terrible storm and his boat was sinking. He asked the Lord to save him and believed God would! A boat came by and the people reached out to him offering help. The man said, "No thank you. God will save me." The storm was getting worse and another boat came by. Once again, they offered to throw out a life preserver to save the man but he refused. Again he told them he was waiting on God to save him. The man drowned in that storm. When face to face with God, he asked why He didn't save him. The man said, "Lord, I cried out to you and waited for You to save me!" God replied, "Son, I sent you two boats and a life preserver and you refused my help!!"

We hear this story and roll our eyes thinking "what a moron!" It is clear that the Lord was sending him help and he was too stubborn to see it!! But the reality is that we are just like him. When storms beat us down in life, don't we cry out to God but then try to fix it ourselves? Don't we believe in His help but want it on our own time table? If our storms in life were real storms, we might drown too. 

I am in week three of a messed up back. I pulled something while visiting Colorado last month and my back has not been the same since. It is 24/7 of pain. On a scale of 1-10, it can go from a 2 one moment to a 10 the next. Grrrrrr.......it is aggravating!! I feel like an old lady. My kids are constantly doing things for me that would normally be a no brainer. My husband has had to dress me and lift me into bed. (More and more, I am understanding the "for better or worse" part of our vows. :))

Three days after getting back from Colorado, we left for our Summer family trip! I have been looking forward to this camping trip fully unplugged!! It was such a beautiful trip....beautiful time with my family....beautiful landscape and I saw God's glory everyday. My back, however, revolted. It hated the air mattresses and the lack of rest/recovery. This has been my STORM! Waves crashing. Dark skies. Moments of tears and concern. I became hugely compassionate for all my friends who suffer in chronic pain day in and day out. I did my best to rely on God throughout our trip but it was hard sometimes. I smiled and I cried. I prayed and prayed. I leaned on Him.....and here's what HE DID!!!!

One morning, I was on my knees in the tent trying to dress myself. I was praying and asking the Lord to heal me. "Please Lord. Lay your mighty hands on my back and give me rest." I went outside the tent over to our picnic table for breakfast. Within one hour, our neighbor (a woman I hadn't met yet) came over to the table asking if someone had a bad back. I think she saw me laying on the ground the day before. I introduced myself and she went on to share their back stories. Her adult daughter had been in an accident years before and has to do special exercises for her back. They actually brought some different equipment specifically designed for lower back pain!!!!!!!! WHAT?????? Who does that camping??? What are the chances they would be camped in our campground next door to us??? They offered their help to me each day and we did these exercises together!!! Total strangers. Totally awkward.......and TOTALLY GOD'S PROVISION!!!!

Jeff and I both praised the Lord and were reminded of the drowning man. We both said, "This is God's life preserver for me!!" Now.....my back was not completely healed after those days of exercises. But, it did help me to walk better and enjoy our dear friends while camping. By Saturday, my back was spasm-ing and we had to get me a hotel room to rest. I had to be in a car for 7 hours yesterday to make it home. Again, in this storm, God sent me a boat in way of the hotel. I was able to lay in bed for 16 hours and rest my back completely!!!! I took medicine and put Icy-hot on my back Sunday morning.....which allowed me to sit in the car and come home!!! Had God not given me that rest, I wouldn't have made it in the car all day!!

I have learned so much through this. I have seen God's provision and His mercies new each morning. I have great compassion for those that are in pain constantly. I spent some time on my back outside.......I saw the beautiful skies, the amazing clouds and how they move, tree branches that hold birds and squirrels......I listened to the sounds of the creeks, I experienced true love from my husband and friends. This storm of dumb, annoying pain is frustrating.....but God has provided His sweet loving kindness and His mercy. For that I am grateful.

Psalm 118:1 

" Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever."

It's Okay to Like YOU!

I have spent so much of my life caring about what other's think of me. Hours upon hours of spinning my wheels making sure everyone else is happy with who I am. If I wasn't fretting over words that were said to me....I'd beat myself up internally for what I thought of me. 

Analyzing. Judging. Condemning. No grace. No mercy. 

These words don't describe how I was treated by others. They describe how I treated myself.....my own worse enemy.

Isn't that true? We have an internal dialogue that goes on with ourselves. We can actually be our own bully. We become our own enemy. Grace abounds but only for others. Mercy is given but only for friends and family. We're told to not judge and so we try to let people work out their issues with God. But when did that grace, mercy and lack of judgement include ourselves? When have we extended the same gifts of God to ourselves? Is it okay to just say, "I like me"....and live a life that shows it? Or is it more godly to constantly analyze every moment we stumble, every time we fail, each step that isn't perfect?

Psalm 139:14-16

"I praise you because 

I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you 

when I was made in the secret place. 

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me 

were written in your book 

before one of them came to be."

YES!!! It is more than okay to like ourselves! In fact, since we are made in God's image....since we are fearfully and wonderfully made by our Father....since every good and perfect gift comes from Him....since He desires a relationship with us....since He sacrificed His own Son for us....since all the days ordained for us were written in His book before one of them came to be (Ps.139:16).....I would say that HANDS DOWN, we are to LOVE ourselves!! 

It's been several years now, that I have focused more on Him and less on me. The freedom is huge! God does not waste time on garbage. Let's start praising Him for who He is and living a life by His Spirit!! Not a life full of regrets, judgment and hate....but seriously praising God and worshiping Him by the way He created us! Let's not waste our life so focused on ourselves that we forget the One who made us......the One who says "you are mine".

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine." Isaiah 43:1

Top 5 Things To Help Your Teen...

People have told me over the years that they could "never do" what I do. That is, they could never be in teen ministry. I get it. Teenagers are amazing but they are not easy to understand. People that say they could never do that....aren't saying that because they're unloving or lack compassion. They really do care about teens. The issue is that it's not what God has called them to do and to understand. They are being used elsewhere by the Lord and that's awesome!

There are other times when parents ask for advice about their teenage daughter. Many parents remember being a teenager and the difficult years in Jr. High and High School. We remember but we aren't sure what to do when it comes to our own girls. I have been encouraged to share the "Top 5" things you can do to connect with, help and encourage your teen girl. Whether you're a parent, a youth leader, mentor or friend, these will help. I have my own teenage daughter and have 16 years of experience walking alongside teen girls.....so these are tried and true with blood, sweat and tears. LOL!

1. BUILD A RELATIONSHIP: This is so important. Teenagers don't trust easily so there has to be a relationship. Get to know who THEY are....not who you THINK they are. Youth Leaders - spend time just hanging out. Over time, they will trust you and that relationship will grow. Put out effort and seek them out. 

Parents - Just because we are parents, does NOT automatically mean "relationship". Your daughter needs to know you care and are interested in her life. Build that relationship by spending quality time just the two of you.

2. BE THE EXAMPLE: I could repeat over and over that teenagers don't trust easily. They are used to people disappointing them and/or hurting them. It is IMPERATIVE that we are THE example. The whole saying "Do as I say, not as I do" is ridiculous! They will do as you do!! Check yourself and see what example you are to the teens around you. Hypocrites don't get very far in life with teens. They will stop listening and stop paying attention to you.

3. LISTEN MORE THAN YOU TALK: Girls and women LOVE to talk! The average female uses 25,000 words a day! So listen to your teen more than you talk at her. They so desperately want to be acknowledged and valued. When we listen to what's in their minds and hearts, they feel validated. If we just interrupt them and tell them what we think of them.....we lose them. Go to a coffee shop and just sit and listen to the heart of your girl.

4. MAKE SURE YOU ARE MILES AHEAD: Many times when tragedy or suffering hits our girls, we are stunned. How could this happen? What went wrong? I never thought she would do this? The fact is, we live in a fallen world. Bad things will happen to our teenagers. The good news is that God is Sovereign and we can trust Him in it. As youth leaders, mentors and parents....we need to be miles ahead of our girls. How can we help them with safety on the internet if we haven't studied the different social sites? How can we know what they're dealing with at school if we don't pay attention and look closely at the school? WE HAVE TO KNOW THE WORLD THEY LIVE IN....NOT THE WORLD WE LIVED IN. This is huge! How we grew up doesn't matter anymore. It's all about the kind of world THEY are growing up in. So do your homework and be ahead of the game.

5. LAST BUT MOST IMPORTANT....KNOW GOD'S WORD, WALK IN HIS WAYS AND POUR HIS TRUTH INTO YOUR GIRL: Honestly, without this one, the other four things don't matter. We cannot expect our teens to go to church, go to youth group and be "good" if we as adults are not doing it. We have to know who God is and be secure in our Salvation. They need to see us walking the walk and talking the talk. Involve your teen in your bible study....in your walk with God. Share with her all the things God has done and is doing in your life. Walking with the Lord is an exciting adventure so show it to her. This way, when the trials come and the tragedy hits (which it will) you all have a firm foundation to stand on. And PRAY with her over and over. Don't ever stop because this will change your relationship. If she doesn't want to then at the very least, pray for her on your own.

MAY THE LORD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU CLOSE 

AS YOU LEAN ON HIM!!

Good to the last drop...

I used to never drink coffee. Bleh! I never owned a coffee pot either. I loved tea, scones, shortbread and whatever would fit with my teacup and saucer. About 10 years ago, a friend introduced me to coffee and especially all the yummy-ness that goes in a cup. I loved everything about it. The cream, the sugar, the flavors....especially in the Fall....the pumpkin spice! I became a coffee lover!!!

Yes, I love coffee. More accurately, I love the creamer and goodness that goes into a great latte or mocha! But what I love more is the relationships. My life is full of coffee "moments" in different cities and towns; different coffee shops and stands. I have sat with countless teen girls sipping a mocha and hashing out life. I usually have one to two coffee dates every week!! Sometimes it's with a teen girl and other times a friend. Sometimes it's with someone who needs encouragement and other times a stranger who might be a speaker for The Loft. My memories are full of these moments sharing thoughts, experiences and life. When I think of coffee, I think of people. I think of relationships because I am usually sharing a cup with some precious soul. 

I am grateful for this silly little drink. Just as it warms me up, it enables me to reach out to others and also share a cup with the Lord. Bible study and quiet time is amazing in a coffee shop.....or in my car :) I have been known to grab a coffee to-go and sit with God. It's the best sitting along a country road...reading, praying and sharing a cup with Him. Wherever it happens, I am thankful for all the moments I've sipped coffee. My life would not be the same.

"So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

1 Corinthians 10:31

Bloated and All done!!

Paleo.....Whole30....Clean Eating. I needed a change. I am not doing "Paleo" or the "Whole30" but I have definitely (for 11 days) been eating as natural as I can. By the end of 2013, I felt bloated. Fat. Unhealthy. Weak. Out of shape. Bleh!! I was tired of feeling that way and getting off track!

Over the past 4 years, I have worked out pretty consistently. I have done programs like Insanity for 60 days....P90X....Chalene Extreme and yes, Hip Hop Abs. Hehe!! Whatever it was I enjoyed. I weighed what I wanted, wore what I wanted and  I felt good. I counted calories and watched how much I ate but NEVER did I watch WHAT I ate. I focused on the caloric intake but not the chemical or processed food I was eating. It was too overwhelming to figure it all out so I never did....until now.

I am on a new journey of eating clean and natural. I have felt SO much better over the last 11 days. I don't feel bloated. I have been exersizing but only 3-4 times a week. I am not overdoing at all. I don't count calories. I just watch what goes into my mouth. I am slimming down and building muscle. Everything seems delightful EXCEPT MY COFFEE ISSUE!!! I still drink creamer (chemically induced sweetness) in my coffee!!! And I don't want to give it up. At least not yet. I have been searching out recipes with coconut milk and coconut cream. I am going to try several recipes and see if I can have a nicely flavored latte in the morning.

I will keep you posted on my findings. :) If you see me, ask me how I'm doing. It is quite the journey!!

"Closed" for business!!!

We all need rest. Even flowers. 

I was shocked one morning when hiking, that some beautiful flowers lining the trail were all closed up! It looked weird to have their long green stems pushing up toward the sky but the flower itself was closed. Almost to say, "we're not awake yet".....or "sorry, closed for business". I really wanted to see their beauty as I started my hike. That didn't happen until later when I came down the trail and the sun was beaming. It was a beautiful sight. They lined up on both sides of the trail and almost saluted me as I walked by. 

Certain plants, like poppies, close up at night to conserve energy in order to be open all day for the pollinating insects. They might also close up to protect themselves from freezing. This process is called "nyctinasty". This reminds me of US. All of us... moms and wives who are just too hard on ourselves to rest.  Let's face it. We are our own worst critics! We are taking care of people 24/7 no matter what. Even when we are dog tired, we feel guilty if we let things go. 

I was chatting with my friend this morning about the surprises in life. Things come up without expectation. We can't control the difficult roads.....when they start and when they end. It is OK to call it a day at 10am!!! It is OK to focus on the peace in our home.....the heart attitudes of our children.....the protection of our own minds.....and just be "closed for business". We cannot be all things to all people. We cannot juggle hard enough and long enough to make everything perfect. We have to show ourselves GRACE in this life. The same grace we would show to our friend, neighbor and family, we need to show ourselves. 

My house is a mess and my Christmas tree is still up!! What??? Oh yeah....still up with lights on! But you know what? I don't care. I don't care because the last few weeks have been nutty. Our sinks backed up, lost our keys, hit a dog (that died), left our freezer door open (yes many things thawed out and are trash), backed into a parked car (major dent), and on and on. The nuttiness has allowed me to look at my days individually and see the blessing. I have had to show myself GRACE because if not, I would go crazy. The blessings have been abundant! In the same few weeks of crazy happening, wonderful things have happened too........The Loft last Sunday was amazing, The Dove interview went great, several coffee dates with encouragement and exhortation, working out with purpose, a beautiful Anniversary, my birthday, etc. So I choose to find the blessing, to find the GRACE and give myself REST. 

Somedays, I am "closed for business"...and you too!

"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Light Bulbs & Conviction

It's an "A-ha" moment kind of day. The things that I have known to be true but for some reason today, slapped me upside the head!

Homeschool (noun): Education at home. Life altering. Mind Boggling.
Character building. Lesson giving. Roller coaster riding. God controlling.

Homeschool = My own personal, spiritual bootcamp...

It doesn't matter if our children go to school at home, at public school, private school or online school. They just need to be educated. I won't even touch the topic of what school is best because I believe we are "best". We can send our children to whatever school to learn but if we disconnect from them they are lacking. We are what they need everyday.....EVERY SINGLE DAY! Here's where my light bulb turned on today and I had the "A-ha" moment....

We were sitting at the table reading our Bible study in Hebrews (which I don't do everyday with them). As I was sharing with the boys that Jesus is our High Priest and the sacrifice for us all....once and for all....I was struck. What if I never sat down and shared that Truth with them? What if I just glanced over that? What if through homeschooling I was more concerned about their grades, their test scores, accomplishing a certain amount of lessons a week? What would their adult life look like if we looked back and I had spent more time doing their homework than teaching them God's Word? The thought makes me cringe because that is the TRUTH in our lives right now!! I do spend more time worrying about their reading abilities and their homework getting completed than how well they know their Savior. I do spend more time watching movies with them than I spend time showing them how to hide God's Word in their hearts. Oh my.....a light bulb moment and a two by four conviction!!

Proverbs 2:1-5

"My Son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God."

Our family loves the Lord. This is Truth. I am not saying that we shouldn't watch movies with our kids or be concerned about their grades. That is all important time spent. But what IF we as parents put that same effort and energy into teaching the God's Word....His very breath?? Wow! We can't show our kids who God is simply by living it out. We have to speak it out too!

Let us never grow weary of doing this. "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9... Let us buckle down, dig in and speak the Truth to our precious little ones that God gave to us. I guarantee that when we stand before Almighty God one day, He will not ask us if our children were straight 'A' students.....He will hold us accountable to what we taught them.

Oh precious friends. Dig in and dish out!! :)

Not a sprint......

It is a MARATHON!!!

Sixteen years ago, I began a great adventure. Back then I probably thought it was just for a short time....a sprint maybe. Then God pierced my heart for young people and showed me that this was a life long journey. He called me out of my sin, saved me and then used my stained baggage to help others find hope in Christ. It sounds so "spiritual" and looks simple but it's not really. Walking alongside young people is a daily battle that is repeated over and over. It's messy and I get dirty. I get discouraged. I get fired up! It's one of those amazing privileges in life that few words can even touch. I love and adore teenagers!!! I see girls on the street and I want to ask them how they're doing! Like truly "how are you???"...."how is your heart today?"....and I want to take them to The Loft (a ministry for teen girls)!! I don't actually do that because I know how freaked out they would be! Hee hee!!

"We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak...." Romans 15:1

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2

No matter how messy this life is, we are to "bear with" one another. We are to uphold each other in a loving way. Teenagers have such a difficult road that they are trying to navigate. They are young adults who are still children. Each day brings about some adult responsibilities yet they are kids on the inside who just want to be loved and cared for. My heart aches for them when they fall. It aches for them when they know the Truth and walk away from it. Bearing with one another is not a simple task. It's not easy but it's not optional. It's not quick. Bearing with one another is committing to God's people....God's children....and walking alongside them in the valleys and the mountain tops.

What is the secret into a teenagers life? It's RELATIONSHIP. That's it. Building trust, love and sincerity with them. They won't open up to just anyone. They are private and they protect their hearts with an iron gate. If we want to break through, we have to put in the time.....and it take a lot of time. Some young people that I've mentored are still in my life today. One girl back in high school accepted Christ as her Savior at 15. God poured her life right into my heart. She's now 25 and married......we still have a wonderful friendship. It's a beautiful marathon for sure.

God never intended for us to walk alone. Teenagers often times feel this way.....and that lonliness turns into hopelessness. Let us, who are older and wiser in our faith, reach out to our young people!! Let's show them victory and hope in Christ. Let's get dirty and messy in this journey walking alongside them. God will give us everything we need to do so.

This life is just a blink of an eye but Eternity is forever. Let's fight for our young people and point them to the cross that will save them forever. Christ is our salvation!!

It's Okay To Leak....

Don’t ya just love it when you get ready in the morning, put on your NON-waterproof mascara…..and then end up crying your eyes out later with no warning? It’s seems that I don’t wear waterproof mascara on the days I truly need it...like this morning during bible study! ARGH!!

I have been going through a Bible study on the life of David, a man after God’s own heart. I absolutely love this study on being “Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed”. As we are diving into God’s Word each week, God is tilling up the soil of my life. He is refining the fragmented places in my heart. He is addressing the things that have been hanging there waiting for healing and transformation since my Mom passed away almost two years ago.

Listening to Beth Moore speak from 2 Samuel on David’s life hit me like a freight train. SHE SPOKE MY HEART and I LEAKED!!!! Not just little tears dropping down....but like full on crocodile tears gushing down and a snotty nose to go with it! I like to cry in private, as most of us do.....but I could seriously not control each drop.

 

2 Samuel 7:8-10 pierced my heart:

 

“…I took you from the pasture and from following the flock to be ruler over my people Israel. I have been with you wherever you have gone, and I have cut off all your enemies from before you. Now I will make your name great, like the names of the greatest men of the earth. And I will provide a place for my people Israel….”

 

 

 

Now, I am not saying that I am like David or that I can relate to being a mighty ruler. I can, however, relate to God bringing me THIS FAR in my life. I shouldn't be here. Not even close. In my natural born life, I should be divorced several times, choosing poorly over and over....an adulterer really. I should be sad and depressed that my life hasn't gone the way I thought. My friends should find me fickle and flaky; a woman with no clear direction. After my Mom passed away, I should have sank into a deep hole and withdrew from the world. That pain should have caused me great bitterness and resentment toward God.....leaving me with nothing to give.

 

BUT - as God told David, "...I took you from the pasture and from following the flock to be ruler over my people Israel....," God has told me that my circumstances and my flesh do NOT make up the person I am today. I leaked and leaked this morning as I heard a dear woman share that GOD wants to "mark our lives with His glory". He doesn't allow hard stuff in our lives to watch us crumble. He doesn't want us to be devestated forever. God wants to empower us to stand strong.....to reveal His glory to the world....and to transform us from weak, fleshly people to strong godly women!!!!

 

God also told David, "I have been with you wherever you have gone..." Oh Lord, thank you that you are with me always!!! The last two years of grieving have changed me. It has been the most intense, life altering time....AND YET, God has been with me every where! When I couldn't see straight, He was there. When I cried myself to sleep, He was there. When I moved forward in obedience, even though it scared me.....He was there. When He asked me to do thing out of my comfort zone.....He was there.

 

AND...this morning when He spoke into my face....and told me it's time to not be DEVESTATED anymore.....HE IS HERE!! I need to continue moving forward in my new life, trusting the promises He has given me. Friends, if your hurts have caused you to be frozen or barely moving forward.....it is time to not be devestated anymore. It is time to trust that God is with you wherever you go and you seek Him. Go to Him. Tell Him what's hurting you. LEAK!!!!! and Trust that He will make your name great for His glory!!!!

 

 

HE is worth fighting for....

"Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world." James 4:8 NLT

This verse in James, cuts my heart wide open! I read the first half and think....awwwwww, isn't that so sweet of the Lord? If I come close to Him, He will also draw into me. Awwwwww.....

But read on....."wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world." UGH! That's the part that gets me!! We are divided! I am divided!!! And that is not what God wants for us. He wants all of us....every bit. We were bought at a price. We are HIS!

(1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

Last weekend, I was at a retreat where our speaker asked the question, "What relationship to you need to fight for?" She was asking us what relationship do we need reconciliation? Who have we set aside, given up on or been ignoring. As I sat all by myself on this beautiful hillside.....NO ONE came to mind. I sat and I prayed. Still nothing. Then the Lord's beautiful voice spoke, "Me, Treva. Me. You love others. You fight for others. You chase after others... making sure they're okay.....but what about ME!? Are you willing to fight for your relationship with ME?"

This is life changing to me. We all go through seasons of drawing close to the Lord and seasons of pulling away or becoming dry. I haven't thought of my time with God as a desert. Not at all. BUT, fighting for Him is a whole different story! That takes passion, committment, determination, deep love and discipline. What would my relationship or yours look like if we FOUGHT to walk side by side with our Savior? What would happen if we set aside the cares of this world and passionately studied His Word? I can tell you that my life would look so different. Deeper. More meaningful. More intentional love. Washing my hands of sin and letting Him purify my heart would change so much!!!

I believe that we need to recognize the seasons we are in with the Lord. Right now, the Lord is calling me to dig deeper in His Word......to come super duper close to Him!! Not accepting less than what He's willing to give. As I get ready for another year of ministry in Girls Nite In.....The Lord needs to refine me. He is chiselling off all my dead, gross stuff and making me new once again. He has plans for each one of us and He desires to walk intimately with us through life.

Will you join me? Will you dig deeper in your relationship with Him.....and FIGHT for the very relationship that saved you? Let us "come close" to our Lord and Savior and watch Him come close to US!!! Amen!!!

God Must Think A LOT of YOU!!

Ever had those moments in life, where you wonder just how much more you can handle? Or you look at someone else's life and think, "Wow! How are they still smiling?"

Recently I told my sister...."God must think a lot of you because He keeps allowing crazy hard things in your life." It's amazing to me the stuff Tina has had to endure. A year and a half ago, she didn't just bury our mom....she discovered the body. Four months ago, she had to send her teenage son to a boarding school in Missouri. He was so lost in his own grief over losing grandma, he began self destructing. Tina had to save him from himself. Three weeks ago, her precious husband lost both of his parents within 24 hours of each other. Again, Tina did what she had to do and stood by her husband's side as they said "goodbye".

My sister has always been a rock. I am the ooey-gooey one and she is the calm, level headed one. She's the one I would go to if someone was messing with me in school. Let's face it, she was the scary one (kick your butt kinda girl) and I was the welcome mat. I would let people walk all over me.... and sometimes invite them to! LOL!!

I have seen things in my sister lately that are jaw dropping! How does ONE person handle all these tragic things, find the blessing in them and walk forward with some type of smile? How do you not have your son with you everyday and yet know that it is OK? How do you go through these things without your mom, mother-in-law or father-in-law for guidance? Sometimes I think she should be in a corner, sucking her thumb and rocking back and forth. She doesn't live in a fairy tale nor does she have a naive notion that life is just great no matter what. It's so much more. There is something STRONG and AMAZING inside of her! Something that keeps her feet moving forward and not dwelling in the past! I see her as a ROCK....strong, secure, grounded.

She is a ROCK because her LORD is HER ROCK!

His Spirit dwells within her and because of that, she can withstand all things. Tina trusts Him. She relies on Him.

Psalm 18:2......

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Tomorrow, Tina gets to see her son! For the first time in 4 months she gets to hold him and squish his guts out!! She hates flying.....quite frankly she gets very anxious on planes and has to read scripture over and over to get through the flight. She could definitely stay home out of fear....but she continues to TRUST her ROCK, her God and believe that He will protect her. She is getting on that plane tomorrow to see her son....and there is NOTHING that's going to stop her. Not fear, not anxiety, not hardships.

Thank you sis for being an example to me of what it means to NEVER GIVE UP!!! To know that God never gives us more than we can handle. I know that God thinks a lot of you, Teen, but simply because He delights in you.

LOVE YOU!!!!!


Me and my sis!!

I love him!!!

Those who sow with tears
will reap with songs of JOY.

Psalm 126:5

 

Over and over I have told the teens in, Girls Nite In, that...."life is messy". It just is. We live in a world that is not perfect and everyone knows it. It's not God's original design. It is a fallen world with imperfect people. At every GNI meeting, I tell the girls that we (the leaders) are here to help them navigate through this messy life. I wish I had someone to mentor me and help me through my teen years. But I didn't...so I crashed and burned around every corner. The Lord has created me with an undying passion for these girls!!! I want them to know HIM....to walk with HIM....and to let HIM love them with an everlasting love.

 

This past weekend, we finished our last meeting for Girls Nite In (for this school year). Our topic was "Loss & Grief"....one that I know too well and could probably write a book about. I had so many things I wanted to share with the girls and just a ton of thoughts marinating in my mind. It was hard to narrow it down to just 30 minutes of a my heart poured out for them. We had a few girls who had lost their mom or dad in the last year or two. We had other girls who's parents had left them through divorce.....and still others that were suffering through so many changes in life, it just all felt like LOSS.

 

I was confident that the Lord had planted Truth in me to give out to them. It was a night that I will never forget. Tears, broken hearts, sweet faces looking up at mine. I will always remember how the Lord took my pain and His love....and gave them tangible, mind blowing HOPE. A hope that is like no other. It will never end. He gave them this Truth in

Isaiah 40:31...

"but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. "

 

In this life there will be suffering. We cannot avoid it. In the past 2 weeks, I have attended a double funeral, read a journal of a teen whose mom died of cancer, shared the heart of another teen whose dad died one year ago and comforted a friend whose dad died yesterday. Our grief comes in so many forms...not just the death of a loved one. But for me, this is the very thing that moved me deeper in my walk with God. Losing my Mom made me question my JOY, my HOPE and my LIFE. God answered my questions and spoke mightily into my life. He brought me Girls Nite In. He doesn't waste our pain. He uses it for His glory and to bring us closer to Him. I praise God all the time for the pain...for the grief...for the loss. Not because I have suffered....but through my tears He has brought me great JOY!

 

Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of JOY.

 

It is the hardest thing I have ever done.....To trust God in the midst of suffering; To believe Him at His word; To let Him move each foot forward when they are weighted down in darkness. BUT...when I did these things, He turned my tears to joy.

 

 

 

 

 

The Girl that God uses....

We have started a tradition for Easter....or as we like it, "Resurrection Sunday". We go to a new church  with dear friends and enjoy the annual community breakfast. It's cold, it's in a school gym and it's not fancy. But the people there are amazing! They start preparing breakfast for hundreds at FIVE in the morning!! (The non-morning person in me screams - Nooooooo!) The tables are set with eggs, potatoes, ham, bacon, fruit, cinnamon rolls, biscuits and gravy, and so much more. These people are servants. They work all morning preparing, serving and cleaning up. It blesses me so much!

This year, though, God gave me a bigger and brighter gift!! One of our homeless teen girls that goes to Girls Nite In each month was there! I was in awe. As I waited in line for my food, this precious girl ran up to me, hugged me and said "HEY!!!!" I was so excited to see her and surprised! Here's this girl who lives in a shelter and she's SERVING breakfast to hundreds. She is starving herself but not for food.....she is starving for love, acceptance, family and the Lord's mercy. Every month at Girls Nite In, this cute freckled face girl runs up to me to say HI.....she hugs me each time and she SERIOUSLY melts my heart. I am not supposed to have "favorites" but I do. How can you not favor a girl who is that precious?

God uses her in my life as a reminder. A reminder that all the studying, tears, time and work that goes into ONE Girls Nite In meeting is worth it........because she is there. God brings about 60 teen girls each month and a handful of them live at this shelter. There are not enough words to describe what that has done to my heart. It wrecks me. It melts me. It challenges me. God puts the girls' faces in my mind each time I prepare to speak. He has bound my heart to theirs and they have no idea!!!

You know how with each child you have.....you wonder "how will I have enough love to go around?" I think every mom wonders that. Yet, the Lord gives us a never ending amount of love. He IS LOVE and when we know the Father, we have LOVE to give. The teen girls are like my adopted kids.....they move my heart, they overflow my cup and God uses each girl to multiply the love I have for them. Not only am I in love with my three precious children......but God has blessed my life with countless teens who........seriously......if they knew how much I adored them, loved them and thought of them.....it would scare them!!! I am beyond grateful for this journey God has me on. Thank you Lord for your amazing gifts!

"But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love." 1 John 4:8

Naked For Jesus

I love Vintage T-shirts!! You remember t-shirts with old logos like 7up, Atari, Coca Cola or some memorable year stamped on the front? They're new but they're made to look old and vintage.....like they have been around forever. They bring back memories of my childhood and remind me of days passed. As I was sharing my life with a dear friend the other day......I mentioned how I want a vintage t-shirt that reads "Naked for Jesus" !!! As we cracked up laughing (like seriously couldn't breathe laughing) at the thought of wearing this shirt and the looks we would get.....I asked her "is that inappropriate"? But when you understand the great journey behind those words.....it is perfectly appropriate!!

One of my biggest fears is public speaking. It's the number one fear of people. Isn't that crazy? Speaking in front of people in a perfectly safe environment scares people more than snakes, heights or car wrecks!!! But I will tell you that I get sooooo fearful before speaking. So, of course God has called me to speak once a month at Girls Nite In (a ministry to teen girls) in front of one hundred people. He hasn't called me to speak on anything "fluffy" either. He has called me to speak on topics of sin and self destruction. At Girls Nite In we talk candidly about life with these girls...like sex, teen pregnancy, substance abuse, eating disorders, divorce, self injury, loss/grief....BIG things!!! Our goal is to help them navigate through this messy life and point them to their Heavenly Father! I am so passionate about this ministry and yet it tears me up every month.

"Humble yourselves before the Lord,

and he will lift you up"

James 4:10

On my face before the Lord every month, I ask Him to speak through me....to take away my fears....to make me bold through His Spirit....and to give me every word for these girls!! It takes all of me to submit to Him and to humbly do the very thing He has called me to. The ONLY WAY to be victorious in this....is to LAY IT ALL BARE BEFORE CHRIST!!! When I stand in front of these girls....my heart beating rapidly, full of cotton mouth and sweaty armpits....I am naked. I am transparent. I am laying it bare. I hold nothing back. God has shown me lately that He can use me best when I hide nothing from Him. Forget trying to look like I have it all together.....forget trying to use the right words....forget pretending at all!

Is God calling you to lay it all bare before Him? What would our world look like if we all got "real"....and stopped pretending? What if we did the VERY things that GOD has asked of us.....plowing through the fear, being humble before Him and putting ourselves out there for others!??

Be NAKED FOR JESUS!!!!

STUCK: (a verb) jammed or caught: jammed, caught, or held in an immovable position

The month of February is a SUCH a dreary month!!! It is seriously my least favorite month of the whole year. It's about halfway through the school year when life meets the mundane. There's nothing really exciting to look forward to in February and the weather is mostly grey. I usually plow through it and suck it up. But this time it's different. For weeks, I have struggled to put my finger on what's going on.....how to describe the puddly (if that's even a word) fog on the inside. I still have joy. I can still smile. So why the wierd feeling of numbness??

I went to the bookstore today and it HIT ME!!!! As I was browsing all the books and reading the titles.....looking for something interesting. I saw the word STUCK!!!! A bright blue cover page with HUGE white words!!! That's ME......s.t.u.c.k......for sure! I am starting this bible study today and I can't wait to see what crazy things God will show me. I want to share with you what I wrote on the inside cover. It my reason for "why".....why this book. Why now.....

"Why this study? Because NOW 16 months after my mom died, I feel okay. But only "okay". It seems that when life becomes difficult around me, I cower. (my life is okay....but the people I love are hurting. My teenage nephew went to live at Agape Christian Boarding School in MO last week and my precious sister's heart is broken. My dear friends' son is have heart surgery in a few weeks for the third time. My other sweet friend lost her mom a few months ago and she is only 24. And there's so much more going on with other people I love.) It's not that I necessarily take on others' pain.....but I care.....and then I cower. I stop wanting to listen to God. Fear takes over and I question Him. What will you ask of me Lord? Will I be blindsighted again? Am I strong enough for the waves of life? And so, I am stuck. Here. With these questions."

So, I don't have any breakthrough thoughts....YET! Just that I found a study that will lead me to the Truth. I am excited to face my fears and FULLY trust God with my LIFE. I am tired of being emotionally STUCK.....I want out. Now.

If you are "stuck" in a place you want and need to get out of.....maybe this is a study for you too! At the very least, cry out to the Lord....tears, snot and all.....let Him pull you out!!

Reaching far far ahead......finally!

“I do not count myself to have apprehended;

but one thing I do,
forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those
things which are ahead”  Philippians 3:13

Disappointment. Fear. Regret. Shame. Bitterness. I hate these words! Even just typing them makes my skin crawl. This is who I used to be. Walking everyday in these words. They defined who I was. I thought since I had done so many "bad" things and hadn't "arrived" yet, I should carry with me a few of these in order to suffer for my wrongs. I was imperfect. I AM imperfect. On this side of eternity, I will never be perfect! And I am learning that it's okay!

Life doesn't end because I don't have it all figured out. It doesn't fall apart because I haven't attained perfection. God says in Psalm 46:10..."Be still and know that I am God". I am to be still....to stop moving for a moment and recognize that HE is GOD, not me. It begins with Him....with our Heavenly Father who loves us so deeply. I don't have to walk around in utter despair, disappointment or shame. Beating myself up for past mistakes or failures is not what God wants. He wants us to forget the things of the past....be still and know that He is who He says He is....and reach forward to the things ahead.

Do you trust that He has amazing things planned for you? Do you believe that He can make the imperfect beautiful? He straightens out those paths that are crooked. He fights for us when we are down. He carries and forgives us when we cry out to Him!! God says in Jeremiah 29:11 -  "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Dear sweet friends, let us forget the things of the past and reach forward to the things ahead. God has it all under control. He has amazing plans for us. Let reach far for Him and all that He is!!!



Mommies can dream too!

Have you ever daydreamed about being all alone, at home, for days with no one wanting anything from you??? I know you have......that hypothetical happy place where you clean something and it STAYS clean? You can watch a movie or piddle around on the computer with ZERO interruptions??? Maybe you dreamed something simple like going to the bathroom without a kid walking in on you??? I have been a mom for 12 years and I have had this dream many many times!! You see, I have gone on trips without my kids....or even my husband and have gotten that much needed down time. BUT....I have never EVER been alone, at home, with no hubby and no kids.....until this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep you read that right!!!!! I have been alone for about 48 hours without my family!!!!!! (My amazing husband took the three monkeys on a special trip with him. Yeah, he rocks!)

I am so excited about this new phenomenon that I had to share! The first half of my time I went on a retreat with some dear friends. It was a much needed time of encouragement, laughter and hashing out life. I loved every minute!! The second half of my time has been spent in my jammies (yes, the whole time) with cups of coffee, purging my house!!! I want to use this time so wisely since I'll probably never get it again. When my family comes home I want to bless them with a clean and slightly organized house! I have to pinch myself over and over because once I have cleaned something.....IT STAYS CLEAN!!!! It's seriously so strange to walk back through a room, glance in and think "Wow, it still looks great".....hehe! I know that as soon as the three monkeys come home....it will all abruptly come to an end so I am treasuring it all right now.

As I thanked God this morning for my time alone.....and realizing what a gift this is.....I thought of how precious it is to be a Mom. We all know this already but it hit me hard this morning. For those of you that have never had this "dream" come true....I want to encourage you! It is pretty amazing to do what I want to do WHEN I want to do it. And being able to get my house in order with no distraction is great. BUT, and its a big but....nothing compares to the great joy and blessing it is to have our family. I miss them already. (Never thought I would say these following statements but....) I miss stepping on legos that are left mysteriously in the carpet. I miss the toothpaste smeared in the bathroom sink. I miss the socks that are left by the couch. I miss the hugs and kisses in the morning....and at night before bed. I just miss them. I have a new appreciation for the noise and the crazy that my kids bring into my life. My family is what makes life full and abundant!! Crazy, yes. But precious all the more.

Have you wondered what the house would be like without your monkeys running around demolishing it? It would be clean, organized and quiet. In other words....without your precious monkeys....your house and life would be way too perfect, boring, eerily quiet and not as much fun!!! So embrace the crazy!!!! Embrace the fact that as Mommies....we will be tired, overworked, underpaid but FULLY BLESSED!!!!!!