Tuesday, October 2, 2012

It's Okay To Leak....

Don’t ya just love it when you get ready in the morning, put on your NON-waterproof mascara…..and then end up crying your eyes out later with no warning? It’s seems that I don’t wear waterproof mascara on the days I truly need it...like this morning during bible study! ARGH!!

I have been going through a Bible study on the life of David, a man after God’s own heart. I absolutely love this study on being “Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed”. As we are diving into God’s Word each week, God is tilling up the soil of my life. He is refining the fragmented places in my heart. He is addressing the things that have been hanging there waiting for healing and transformation since my Mom passed away almost two years ago.

Listening to Beth Moore speak from 2 Samuel on David’s life hit me like a freight train. SHE SPOKE MY HEART and I LEAKED!!!! Not just little tears dropping down....but like full on crocodile tears gushing down and a snotty nose to go with it! I like to cry in private, as most of us do.....but I could seriously not control each drop.
2 Samuel 7:8-10 pierced my heart:
“…I took you from the pasture and from following the flock to be ruler over my people Israel. I have been with you wherever you have gone, and I have cut off all your enemies from before you. Now I will make your name great, like the names of the greatest men of the earth. And I will provide a place for my people Israel….”
Now, I am not saying that I am like David or that I can relate to being a mighty ruler. I can, however, relate to God bringing me THIS FAR in my life. I shouldn't be here. Not even close. In my natural born life, I should be divorced several times, choosing poorly over and over....an adulterer really. I should be sad and depressed that my life hasn't gone the way I thought. My friends should find me fickle and flaky; a woman with no clear direction. After my Mom passed away, I should have sank into a deep hole and withdrew from the world. That pain should have caused me great bitterness and resentment toward God.....leaving me with nothing to give.
BUT - as God told David, "...I took you from the pasture and from following the flock to be ruler over my people Israel....," God has told me that my circumstances and my flesh do NOT make up the person I am today. I leaked and leaked this morning as I heard a dear woman share that GOD wants to "mark our lives with His glory". He doesn't allow hard stuff in our lives to watch us crumble. He doesn't want us to be devestated forever. God wants to empower us to stand strong.....to reveal His glory to the world....and to transform us from weak, fleshly people to strong godly women!!!!
God also told David, "I have been with you wherever you have gone..." Oh Lord, thank you that you are with me always!!! The last two years of grieving have changed me. It has been the most intense, life altering time....AND YET, God has been with me every where! When I couldn't see straight, He was there. When I cried myself to sleep, He was there. When I moved forward in obedience, even though it scared me.....He was there. When He asked me to do thing out of my comfort zone.....He was there.
AND...this morning when He spoke into my face....and told me it's time to not be DEVESTATED anymore.....HE IS HERE!! I need to continue moving forward in my new life, trusting the promises He has given me. Friends, if your hurts have caused you to be frozen or barely moving forward.....it is time to not be devestated anymore. It is time to trust that God is with you wherever you go and you seek Him. Go to Him. Tell Him what's hurting you. LEAK!!!!! and Trust that He will make your name great for His glory!!!!