Wednesday, February 29, 2012

STUCK: (a verb) jammed or caught: jammed, caught, or held in an immovable position

The month of February is a SUCH a dreary month!!! It is seriously my least favorite month of the whole year. It's about halfway through the school year when life meets the mundane. There's nothing really exciting to look forward to in February and the weather is mostly grey. I usually plow through it and suck it up. But this time it's different. For weeks, I have struggled to put my finger on what's going to describe the puddly (if that's even a word) fog on the inside. I still have joy. I can still smile. So why the wierd feeling of numbness??

I went to the bookstore today and it HIT ME!!!! As I was browsing all the books and reading the titles.....looking for something interesting. I saw the word STUCK!!!! A bright blue cover page with HUGE white words!!! That's ME......s.t.u.c.k......for sure! I am starting this bible study today and I can't wait to see what crazy things God will show me. I want to share with you what I wrote on the inside cover. It my reason for "why".....why this book. Why now.....

"Why this study? Because NOW 16 months after my mom died, I feel okay. But only "okay". It seems that when life becomes difficult around me, I cower. (my life is okay....but the people I love are hurting. My teenage nephew went to live at Agape Christian Boarding School in MO last week and my precious sister's heart is broken. My dear friends' son is have heart surgery in a few weeks for the third time. My other sweet friend lost her mom a few months ago and she is only 24. And there's so much more going on with other people I love.) It's not that I necessarily take on others' pain.....but I care.....and then I cower. I stop wanting to listen to God. Fear takes over and I question Him. What will you ask of me Lord? Will I be blindsighted again? Am I strong enough for the waves of life? And so, I am stuck. Here. With these questions."

So, I don't have any breakthrough thoughts....YET! Just that I found a study that will lead me to the Truth. I am excited to face my fears and FULLY trust God with my LIFE. I am tired of being emotionally STUCK.....I want out. Now.

If you are "stuck" in a place you want and need to get out of.....maybe this is a study for you too! At the very least, cry out to the Lord....tears, snot and all.....let Him pull you out!!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Reaching far far ahead......finally!

“I do not count myself to have apprehended;
but one thing I do,
forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those
things which are ahead”  Philippians 3:13

Disappointment. Fear. Regret. Shame. Bitterness. I hate these words! Even just typing them makes my skin crawl. This is who I used to be. Walking everyday in these words. They defined who I was. I thought since I had done so many "bad" things and hadn't "arrived" yet, I should carry with me a few of these in order to suffer for my wrongs. I was imperfect. I AM imperfect. On this side of eternity, I will never be perfect! And I am learning that it's okay!

Life doesn't end because I don't have it all figured out. It doesn't fall apart because I haven't attained perfection. God says in Psalm 46:10..."Be still and know that I am God". I am to be stop moving for a moment and recognize that HE is GOD, not me. It begins with Him....with our Heavenly Father who loves us so deeply. I don't have to walk around in utter despair, disappointment or shame. Beating myself up for past mistakes or failures is not what God wants. He wants us to forget the things of the still and know that He is who He says He is....and reach forward to the things ahead.

Do you trust that He has amazing things planned for you? Do you believe that He can make the imperfect beautiful? He straightens out those paths that are crooked. He fights for us when we are down. He carries and forgives us when we cry out to Him!! God says in Jeremiah 29:11 -  "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Dear sweet friends, let us forget the things of the past and reach forward to the things ahead. God has it all under control. He has amazing plans for us. Let reach far for Him and all that He is!!!