Wednesday, February 29, 2012

STUCK: (a verb) jammed or caught: jammed, caught, or held in an immovable position

The month of February is a SUCH a dreary month!!! It is seriously my least favorite month of the whole year. It's about halfway through the school year when life meets the mundane. There's nothing really exciting to look forward to in February and the weather is mostly grey. I usually plow through it and suck it up. But this time it's different. For weeks, I have struggled to put my finger on what's going to describe the puddly (if that's even a word) fog on the inside. I still have joy. I can still smile. So why the wierd feeling of numbness??

I went to the bookstore today and it HIT ME!!!! As I was browsing all the books and reading the titles.....looking for something interesting. I saw the word STUCK!!!! A bright blue cover page with HUGE white words!!! That's ME......s.t.u.c.k......for sure! I am starting this bible study today and I can't wait to see what crazy things God will show me. I want to share with you what I wrote on the inside cover. It my reason for "why".....why this book. Why now.....

"Why this study? Because NOW 16 months after my mom died, I feel okay. But only "okay". It seems that when life becomes difficult around me, I cower. (my life is okay....but the people I love are hurting. My teenage nephew went to live at Agape Christian Boarding School in MO last week and my precious sister's heart is broken. My dear friends' son is have heart surgery in a few weeks for the third time. My other sweet friend lost her mom a few months ago and she is only 24. And there's so much more going on with other people I love.) It's not that I necessarily take on others' pain.....but I care.....and then I cower. I stop wanting to listen to God. Fear takes over and I question Him. What will you ask of me Lord? Will I be blindsighted again? Am I strong enough for the waves of life? And so, I am stuck. Here. With these questions."

So, I don't have any breakthrough thoughts....YET! Just that I found a study that will lead me to the Truth. I am excited to face my fears and FULLY trust God with my LIFE. I am tired of being emotionally STUCK.....I want out. Now.

If you are "stuck" in a place you want and need to get out of.....maybe this is a study for you too! At the very least, cry out to the Lord....tears, snot and all.....let Him pull you out!!

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