Top 5 Things To Help Your Teen...

People have told me over the years that they could "never do" what I do. That is, they could never be in teen ministry. I get it. Teenagers are amazing but they are not easy to understand. People that say they could never do that....aren't saying that because they're unloving or lack compassion. They really do care about teens. The issue is that it's not what God has called them to do and to understand. They are being used elsewhere by the Lord and that's awesome!

There are other times when parents ask for advice about their teenage daughter. Many parents remember being a teenager and the difficult years in Jr. High and High School. We remember but we aren't sure what to do when it comes to our own girls. I have been encouraged to share the "Top 5" things you can do to connect with, help and encourage your teen girl. Whether you're a parent, a youth leader, mentor or friend, these will help. I have my own teenage daughter and have 16 years of experience walking alongside teen girls.....so these are tried and true with blood, sweat and tears. LOL!

1. BUILD A RELATIONSHIP: This is so important. Teenagers don't trust easily so there has to be a relationship. Get to know who THEY are....not who you THINK they are. Youth Leaders - spend time just hanging out. Over time, they will trust you and that relationship will grow. Put out effort and seek them out. 

Parents - Just because we are parents, does NOT automatically mean "relationship". Your daughter needs to know you care and are interested in her life. Build that relationship by spending quality time just the two of you.

2. BE THE EXAMPLE: I could repeat over and over that teenagers don't trust easily. They are used to people disappointing them and/or hurting them. It is IMPERATIVE that we are THE example. The whole saying "Do as I say, not as I do" is ridiculous! They will do as you do!! Check yourself and see what example you are to the teens around you. Hypocrites don't get very far in life with teens. They will stop listening and stop paying attention to you.

3. LISTEN MORE THAN YOU TALK: Girls and women LOVE to talk! The average female uses 25,000 words a day! So listen to your teen more than you talk at her. They so desperately want to be acknowledged and valued. When we listen to what's in their minds and hearts, they feel validated. If we just interrupt them and tell them what we think of them.....we lose them. Go to a coffee shop and just sit and listen to the heart of your girl.

4. MAKE SURE YOU ARE MILES AHEAD: Many times when tragedy or suffering hits our girls, we are stunned. How could this happen? What went wrong? I never thought she would do this? The fact is, we live in a fallen world. Bad things will happen to our teenagers. The good news is that God is Sovereign and we can trust Him in it. As youth leaders, mentors and parents....we need to be miles ahead of our girls. How can we help them with safety on the internet if we haven't studied the different social sites? How can we know what they're dealing with at school if we don't pay attention and look closely at the school? WE HAVE TO KNOW THE WORLD THEY LIVE IN....NOT THE WORLD WE LIVED IN. This is huge! How we grew up doesn't matter anymore. It's all about the kind of world THEY are growing up in. So do your homework and be ahead of the game.

5. LAST BUT MOST IMPORTANT....KNOW GOD'S WORD, WALK IN HIS WAYS AND POUR HIS TRUTH INTO YOUR GIRL: Honestly, without this one, the other four things don't matter. We cannot expect our teens to go to church, go to youth group and be "good" if we as adults are not doing it. We have to know who God is and be secure in our Salvation. They need to see us walking the walk and talking the talk. Involve your teen in your bible study....in your walk with God. Share with her all the things God has done and is doing in your life. Walking with the Lord is an exciting adventure so show it to her. This way, when the trials come and the tragedy hits (which it will) you all have a firm foundation to stand on. And PRAY with her over and over. Don't ever stop because this will change your relationship. If she doesn't want to then at the very least, pray for her on your own.

MAY THE LORD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU CLOSE 

AS YOU LEAN ON HIM!!

Good to the last drop...

I used to never drink coffee. Bleh! I never owned a coffee pot either. I loved tea, scones, shortbread and whatever would fit with my teacup and saucer. About 10 years ago, a friend introduced me to coffee and especially all the yummy-ness that goes in a cup. I loved everything about it. The cream, the sugar, the flavors....especially in the Fall....the pumpkin spice! I became a coffee lover!!!

Yes, I love coffee. More accurately, I love the creamer and goodness that goes into a great latte or mocha! But what I love more is the relationships. My life is full of coffee "moments" in different cities and towns; different coffee shops and stands. I have sat with countless teen girls sipping a mocha and hashing out life. I usually have one to two coffee dates every week!! Sometimes it's with a teen girl and other times a friend. Sometimes it's with someone who needs encouragement and other times a stranger who might be a speaker for The Loft. My memories are full of these moments sharing thoughts, experiences and life. When I think of coffee, I think of people. I think of relationships because I am usually sharing a cup with some precious soul. 

I am grateful for this silly little drink. Just as it warms me up, it enables me to reach out to others and also share a cup with the Lord. Bible study and quiet time is amazing in a coffee shop.....or in my car :) I have been known to grab a coffee to-go and sit with God. It's the best sitting along a country road...reading, praying and sharing a cup with Him. Wherever it happens, I am thankful for all the moments I've sipped coffee. My life would not be the same.

"So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

1 Corinthians 10:31

Bloated and All done!!

Paleo.....Whole30....Clean Eating. I needed a change. I am not doing "Paleo" or the "Whole30" but I have definitely (for 11 days) been eating as natural as I can. By the end of 2013, I felt bloated. Fat. Unhealthy. Weak. Out of shape. Bleh!! I was tired of feeling that way and getting off track!

Over the past 4 years, I have worked out pretty consistently. I have done programs like Insanity for 60 days....P90X....Chalene Extreme and yes, Hip Hop Abs. Hehe!! Whatever it was I enjoyed. I weighed what I wanted, wore what I wanted and  I felt good. I counted calories and watched how much I ate but NEVER did I watch WHAT I ate. I focused on the caloric intake but not the chemical or processed food I was eating. It was too overwhelming to figure it all out so I never did....until now.

I am on a new journey of eating clean and natural. I have felt SO much better over the last 11 days. I don't feel bloated. I have been exersizing but only 3-4 times a week. I am not overdoing at all. I don't count calories. I just watch what goes into my mouth. I am slimming down and building muscle. Everything seems delightful EXCEPT MY COFFEE ISSUE!!! I still drink creamer (chemically induced sweetness) in my coffee!!! And I don't want to give it up. At least not yet. I have been searching out recipes with coconut milk and coconut cream. I am going to try several recipes and see if I can have a nicely flavored latte in the morning.

I will keep you posted on my findings. :) If you see me, ask me how I'm doing. It is quite the journey!!

"Closed" for business!!!

We all need rest. Even flowers. 

I was shocked one morning when hiking, that some beautiful flowers lining the trail were all closed up! It looked weird to have their long green stems pushing up toward the sky but the flower itself was closed. Almost to say, "we're not awake yet".....or "sorry, closed for business". I really wanted to see their beauty as I started my hike. That didn't happen until later when I came down the trail and the sun was beaming. It was a beautiful sight. They lined up on both sides of the trail and almost saluted me as I walked by. 

Certain plants, like poppies, close up at night to conserve energy in order to be open all day for the pollinating insects. They might also close up to protect themselves from freezing. This process is called "nyctinasty". This reminds me of US. All of us... moms and wives who are just too hard on ourselves to rest.  Let's face it. We are our own worst critics! We are taking care of people 24/7 no matter what. Even when we are dog tired, we feel guilty if we let things go. 

I was chatting with my friend this morning about the surprises in life. Things come up without expectation. We can't control the difficult roads.....when they start and when they end. It is OK to call it a day at 10am!!! It is OK to focus on the peace in our home.....the heart attitudes of our children.....the protection of our own minds.....and just be "closed for business". We cannot be all things to all people. We cannot juggle hard enough and long enough to make everything perfect. We have to show ourselves GRACE in this life. The same grace we would show to our friend, neighbor and family, we need to show ourselves. 

My house is a mess and my Christmas tree is still up!! What??? Oh yeah....still up with lights on! But you know what? I don't care. I don't care because the last few weeks have been nutty. Our sinks backed up, lost our keys, hit a dog (that died), left our freezer door open (yes many things thawed out and are trash), backed into a parked car (major dent), and on and on. The nuttiness has allowed me to look at my days individually and see the blessing. I have had to show myself GRACE because if not, I would go crazy. The blessings have been abundant! In the same few weeks of crazy happening, wonderful things have happened too........The Loft last Sunday was amazing, The Dove interview went great, several coffee dates with encouragement and exhortation, working out with purpose, a beautiful Anniversary, my birthday, etc. So I choose to find the blessing, to find the GRACE and give myself REST. 

Somedays, I am "closed for business"...and you too!

"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Light Bulbs & Conviction

It's an "A-ha" moment kind of day. The things that I have known to be true but for some reason today, slapped me upside the head!

Homeschool (noun): Education at home. Life altering. Mind Boggling.
Character building. Lesson giving. Roller coaster riding. God controlling.

Homeschool = My own personal, spiritual bootcamp...

It doesn't matter if our children go to school at home, at public school, private school or online school. They just need to be educated. I won't even touch the topic of what school is best because I believe we are "best". We can send our children to whatever school to learn but if we disconnect from them they are lacking. We are what they need everyday.....EVERY SINGLE DAY! Here's where my light bulb turned on today and I had the "A-ha" moment....

We were sitting at the table reading our Bible study in Hebrews (which I don't do everyday with them). As I was sharing with the boys that Jesus is our High Priest and the sacrifice for us all....once and for all....I was struck. What if I never sat down and shared that Truth with them? What if I just glanced over that? What if through homeschooling I was more concerned about their grades, their test scores, accomplishing a certain amount of lessons a week? What would their adult life look like if we looked back and I had spent more time doing their homework than teaching them God's Word? The thought makes me cringe because that is the TRUTH in our lives right now!! I do spend more time worrying about their reading abilities and their homework getting completed than how well they know their Savior. I do spend more time watching movies with them than I spend time showing them how to hide God's Word in their hearts. Oh my.....a light bulb moment and a two by four conviction!!

Proverbs 2:1-5

"My Son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God."

Our family loves the Lord. This is Truth. I am not saying that we shouldn't watch movies with our kids or be concerned about their grades. That is all important time spent. But what IF we as parents put that same effort and energy into teaching the God's Word....His very breath?? Wow! We can't show our kids who God is simply by living it out. We have to speak it out too!

Let us never grow weary of doing this. "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9... Let us buckle down, dig in and speak the Truth to our precious little ones that God gave to us. I guarantee that when we stand before Almighty God one day, He will not ask us if our children were straight 'A' students.....He will hold us accountable to what we taught them.

Oh precious friends. Dig in and dish out!! :)

Not a sprint......

It is a MARATHON!!!

Sixteen years ago, I began a great adventure. Back then I probably thought it was just for a short time....a sprint maybe. Then God pierced my heart for young people and showed me that this was a life long journey. He called me out of my sin, saved me and then used my stained baggage to help others find hope in Christ. It sounds so "spiritual" and looks simple but it's not really. Walking alongside young people is a daily battle that is repeated over and over. It's messy and I get dirty. I get discouraged. I get fired up! It's one of those amazing privileges in life that few words can even touch. I love and adore teenagers!!! I see girls on the street and I want to ask them how they're doing! Like truly "how are you???"...."how is your heart today?"....and I want to take them to The Loft (a ministry for teen girls)!! I don't actually do that because I know how freaked out they would be! Hee hee!!

"We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak...." Romans 15:1

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2

No matter how messy this life is, we are to "bear with" one another. We are to uphold each other in a loving way. Teenagers have such a difficult road that they are trying to navigate. They are young adults who are still children. Each day brings about some adult responsibilities yet they are kids on the inside who just want to be loved and cared for. My heart aches for them when they fall. It aches for them when they know the Truth and walk away from it. Bearing with one another is not a simple task. It's not easy but it's not optional. It's not quick. Bearing with one another is committing to God's people....God's children....and walking alongside them in the valleys and the mountain tops.

What is the secret into a teenagers life? It's RELATIONSHIP. That's it. Building trust, love and sincerity with them. They won't open up to just anyone. They are private and they protect their hearts with an iron gate. If we want to break through, we have to put in the time.....and it take a lot of time. Some young people that I've mentored are still in my life today. One girl back in high school accepted Christ as her Savior at 15. God poured her life right into my heart. She's now 25 and married......we still have a wonderful friendship. It's a beautiful marathon for sure.

God never intended for us to walk alone. Teenagers often times feel this way.....and that lonliness turns into hopelessness. Let us, who are older and wiser in our faith, reach out to our young people!! Let's show them victory and hope in Christ. Let's get dirty and messy in this journey walking alongside them. God will give us everything we need to do so.

This life is just a blink of an eye but Eternity is forever. Let's fight for our young people and point them to the cross that will save them forever. Christ is our salvation!!

It's Okay To Leak....

Don’t ya just love it when you get ready in the morning, put on your NON-waterproof mascara…..and then end up crying your eyes out later with no warning? It’s seems that I don’t wear waterproof mascara on the days I truly need it...like this morning during bible study! ARGH!!

I have been going through a Bible study on the life of David, a man after God’s own heart. I absolutely love this study on being “Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed”. As we are diving into God’s Word each week, God is tilling up the soil of my life. He is refining the fragmented places in my heart. He is addressing the things that have been hanging there waiting for healing and transformation since my Mom passed away almost two years ago.

Listening to Beth Moore speak from 2 Samuel on David’s life hit me like a freight train. SHE SPOKE MY HEART and I LEAKED!!!! Not just little tears dropping down....but like full on crocodile tears gushing down and a snotty nose to go with it! I like to cry in private, as most of us do.....but I could seriously not control each drop.

 

2 Samuel 7:8-10 pierced my heart:

 

“…I took you from the pasture and from following the flock to be ruler over my people Israel. I have been with you wherever you have gone, and I have cut off all your enemies from before you. Now I will make your name great, like the names of the greatest men of the earth. And I will provide a place for my people Israel….”

 

 

 

Now, I am not saying that I am like David or that I can relate to being a mighty ruler. I can, however, relate to God bringing me THIS FAR in my life. I shouldn't be here. Not even close. In my natural born life, I should be divorced several times, choosing poorly over and over....an adulterer really. I should be sad and depressed that my life hasn't gone the way I thought. My friends should find me fickle and flaky; a woman with no clear direction. After my Mom passed away, I should have sank into a deep hole and withdrew from the world. That pain should have caused me great bitterness and resentment toward God.....leaving me with nothing to give.

 

BUT - as God told David, "...I took you from the pasture and from following the flock to be ruler over my people Israel....," God has told me that my circumstances and my flesh do NOT make up the person I am today. I leaked and leaked this morning as I heard a dear woman share that GOD wants to "mark our lives with His glory". He doesn't allow hard stuff in our lives to watch us crumble. He doesn't want us to be devestated forever. God wants to empower us to stand strong.....to reveal His glory to the world....and to transform us from weak, fleshly people to strong godly women!!!!

 

God also told David, "I have been with you wherever you have gone..." Oh Lord, thank you that you are with me always!!! The last two years of grieving have changed me. It has been the most intense, life altering time....AND YET, God has been with me every where! When I couldn't see straight, He was there. When I cried myself to sleep, He was there. When I moved forward in obedience, even though it scared me.....He was there. When He asked me to do thing out of my comfort zone.....He was there.

 

AND...this morning when He spoke into my face....and told me it's time to not be DEVESTATED anymore.....HE IS HERE!! I need to continue moving forward in my new life, trusting the promises He has given me. Friends, if your hurts have caused you to be frozen or barely moving forward.....it is time to not be devestated anymore. It is time to trust that God is with you wherever you go and you seek Him. Go to Him. Tell Him what's hurting you. LEAK!!!!! and Trust that He will make your name great for His glory!!!!